"Jhandi’s gone around the bend."

"I’m sorry...I don’t follow you."

"He’s insane, I tell you!"

"Are you sure about this? That’s a most serious accusation."

"Damn right, I’m sure! I’m the one who has to work with him, aren’t I? I tell you the little monster has flipped his lid."

Carl Zhan regarded Morthan thoughtfully. The man wasn’t one to panic unnecessarily. In fact, Morthan had been one of the leading advocates for Gremlin rights when it was first discovered that the little buggers really did exist. He had campaigned wholeheartedly for better working conditions on behalf of their little green friends, as well as being the first to volunteer for a Human/Gremlin production team. If Morthan said that Jhandi was unstable, the creature was unstable.

"How did you arrive at this conclusion?" Carl asked, with a worried glance at their productivity charts for the quarter. Morthan and Jhandi were hands down his best team. He couldn’t afford to have them working at less than peak efficiency. Especially not this close to billings week.

"For one thing, the little brat bit me!" Morthan exploded, thrusting a thumb wrapped in a dirty, bloodstained bit of rag into Carl’s face. "Then he started to laugh like a maniac and play hide-and-seek inside the machine. He reset all my specifications, and my whole last batch of product had to be scrapped. I’m telling you, Carl-if you don’t do something about that little menace I’m going to have to deal with him myself-and it will not be pretty." The operator was vibrating with rage.

"Calm down, Morthan," Carl soothed. "You know you two are the best I’ve got. We’ll think of something. Any idea what set him off?"

"Not a clue. I was talking to Rance Fulbright in the next bay, and he was teasing me about the date I had last night. It was supposed to be one hot time-only there turned out to be more fizzle than sizzle, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I had my hand resting on top of my handler, and the next thing I know, Jhandi’s taken a chunk out of my thumb."

"Did you speak to Karin about this?" Karin Fillips was the staff Gremlin expert and clinical psychologist.

To Carl’s amazement, Morthan blushed beet-red. "That’s kind of a touchy subject, Chief. Y’see, Karin was my hot date last night...."

"I see. I assume that the parting was less than amicable."

"Let’s just say I’m lucky my thumb is the only thing with a chunk missing."

"Well, patch it up. We can’t afford to lose any more production time here."

"But, Boss!"

"Talk to Karin. You need her insight on this."

Carl could see how reluctant Morthan was to follow orders, and was secretly amused. Morthan always came across as a real ladies’ man, with a sly wink and a suave line for all his female co-workers. The thought that there was someone in the plant who could resist his charms was refreshing.

#

Later that afternoon, Carl was surprised to glance up from a stack of paperwork to find Karin Fillips glowering down at him from under knit brows. It was impossible for her pixieish features to look intimidating, but she was giving it her best shot.

Carl slid the paperwork to one side and folded his hands in front of him in his "you have my undivided attention" pose. "May I help you, Karin?" he asked solicitously.

As if that was all the encouragement she needed, Karin lunged forward, planting both hands on the desk aggressively and leaning well into his personal space. "What were you thinking of, Carl? Do you have any idea what kind of position you put me in today? No, of course you don’t." She pushed away from the desk to pace his office. "If you did, you wouldn’t have sent that...that...that man to my office!"

Carl wondered fleetingly what the hell it was that Morthan had done to her the night before...or was it what he hadn’t done that upset the woman so much?

"I’m sorry if you are having a personal problem with Morthan, Karin, but this is strictly a business matter-" Once again, Carl was astounded by the reaction to a perfectly harmless statement, as Karin burst into tears. What in the world was going on around here today? And why did it seem that chaos always chose to strike on a day that there was a major contract due before closing?

Carl pushed away from the desk and stepped around it to lay a conciliatory arm across Karin’s shaking shoulders. He eased her into the visitor’s chair, then perched on the corner of his desk. "What’s wrong, Karin?"

In between bouts of sobbing, Carl managed to piece together the information that a) her relationship with Morthan was an ongoing one that had been proceeding nicely until last night, b) she was sensitive about discussing the radical downturn things had taken when Morthan suddenly wanted to escalate things the night before, and c) Jhandi had been exceedingly vocal in his comments on her sexual performance-or lack thereof-which he could only have heard about from that vile beast who called himself a human being.

Carl cleared his throat with embarrassed awkwardness. "I see...well, I’m sorry if there were inappropriate remarks made, Karin. This is a place of business, and such discussions really have no place on the production floor. However-"

"You’ve got to do something about that creature, Carl! That wretched little monster is going on and on in extremely lurid detail to anyone who will listen-and as loudly as he is doing it, one has no choice but to listen! I will not have my private affairs-" She colored most becomingly at the inadvertent choice of words. "-being bandied about like this!"

Carl sighed. He was going to have to go down and talk to Jhandi himself. He had hoped to avoid it. Despite priding himself on his progressive attitude, he couldn’t stand the ugly little Gremlins. He knew that under the revised statutes of the Equal Opportunity Act they had rights too, but they still gave him the creeps. "I’ll go right down and straighten this out, Karin," he promised, pushing away from the desk. He patted her shoulder, absently handing her the box of tissues from the corner of the blotter.

Karin gave him a watery smile. "I’m sorry to lose control like this, Carl, but Jhandi said some really terrible things. It was almost as if...but that’s silly...."

"What is it, Karin?"

"Well, it was almost as if Jhandi was jealous and trying to get back at me."

Carl chuckled indulgently. "Come now, Karin. That is exaggerating the situation a bit, isn’t it?"

Karin flushed. "I know, Carl. I said it was silly, but you wanted to know what I thought." Her voice was tight with anger, and Carl was sorry for laughing at her concerns.

"I’ll go straight down and talk to him now," he promised her.

"Thanks, Carl. He...he’s beginning to frighten me a bit."

Carl Zhan strolled down the wide hallway toward the big production floor, his hands in his pockets. It felt strange to walk through halls he had once known like the back of his hand, but hadn’t been inside since his promotion to Factory Manager. He really should get down here more...he was losing touch with his staff. If he had been paying attention, this sort of problem would never have come up.

He nodded and smiled at the people he passed, sometimes answering a hail or calling a greeting of his own. By the time he reached the doorway to the production area, he had pretty much convinced himself that this whole affair was being blown quite out of proportion by the human participants, and that Jhandi would listen rationally to his reprimands.

All hope of that died the moment he stepped onto the floor. Even though Morthan and Jhandi were stationed on the far end of the huge room, Carl could hear the commotion from where he stood.

Carl had been a participant in many an amateur theatrical production when he was younger, and he still knew how to use his voice to dominate a situation. "That is enough!" he bellowed, and the chaos at the far end of the room froze.

Jhandi himself was standing atop the machine he called home, balanced lightly on one hind paw as his little hands reached toward a cowering Karin. Well, Carl had to give her credit for courage-a Gremlin in full attack mode was not to be trifled with, and she hadn’t had to come back down personally.

The Gremlin turned toward Carl, and his lips pulled back in a snarl. Jhandi was about three feet high, and wore his hair dyed a vivid purple that clashed horribly with his muddy green skin as it fell in a braid down his back. On the top of his head were scattered tufts of the same brilliant purple. His beady eyes were flashing angrily with golden lights as he continued to hiss down his long snout from a mouth too full of teeth.

"What in blazes is going on here, Jhandi?" Carl asked coldly.

Jhandi’s only response was to twist around and sit cross-legged on the top of his machine with his arms folded angrily across his chest. He tucked his chin into his breastbone and sulked. Like most Gremlins, Jhandi’s clothes were gaudy and eclectic. A pair of bright yellow leather pants hit him mid-hairy calf above bare hind paws more closely resembling a cat’s than human feet. A magenta gypsy-style shirt boasting a ruffled collar and cuffs was tucked into his waistband and topped with a fluorescent green vest sporting several buttons with pithy phrases.

"Come now, Jhandi. This behavior is highly unlike you," Carl chastised the Gremlin gently. "You are a professional, my boy! Act like it."

In another unexpected turn-of-events on this highly unusual day, Jhandi’s rubbery lower lip began to tremble violently, and Carl was astounded to see great pools of tears rise in the Gremlin’s glittering golden eyes.

"Jhandi not!" the little creature wailed miserably. "Jhandi not!" He buried his head on his crossed arms and began to emit great heart-wrenching sobs, his knees drawn up in a huddle of despair.

"What in heaven’s name?" Carl muttered, shaking his head. He patted the Gremlin’s bony shoulder awkwardly. "Get a grip, son! We can’t have this sort of display in the factory."

Jhandi sobbed all the harder, the tears puddling around him. Despite their ferocious appearance, Gremlins were like very bright toddlers in more ways than just their size. They were emotionally immature, and their human partners had a tendency to inadvertently bruise the little creatures’ feelings. But try as he might, Carl could not for the life of him figure out what had set Jhandi off this time.

Carl spotted Morthan on the fringes of what had become rather a large crowd around the piece of machinery. Zhan waved imperiously at the man, and Morthan gave Karin a final comforting squeeze before joining Carl.

"Yeah, Boss?"

"Talk to him, Morthan. Apologize for this morning," Carl added behind his hand.

"But I didn’t do anything!" protested Morthan.

"I don’t care. This has gone on too long. We’ve lost quite a bit of valuable production time here. If you can’t work things out within the hour, I’m going to have to take drastic measures."

"Like what?" asked Morthan incredulously.

"If this can’t be resolved, I’m going to have to separate the two of you and give you each a new partner, which will slow things down even further around here."

At the very mention of separation, Jhandi leapt to his feet and threw his arms around Morthan’s waist. "No! Not leave! Jhandi not!"

One of the other unfortunate traits that Gremlins shared with young children was an inability to formulate complex speech patterns. Communicating with the creatures was 50% guess work and 50% intuition.

Morthan was one of the plant’s leaders in this rather specialized skill, and even he looked a little baffled by the extreme nature of Jhandi’s reaction. "Hey, sport," he said gently, kneeling to bring his eyes level with Jhandi’s. "What’s the problem here? You’ve never acted like this before. What’s gotten into you, guy?"

"Jhandi not!" wailed the Gremlin again, shaking his head so violently that huge teardrops spattered Morthan and Carl’s clothing. "Jhandi not. Mordan is, Zhan is...Jhandi not." The Gremlin always had a little trouble with Morthan’s name-aside from that, his words were clear, but still incomprehensible.

Karin gestured frantically to Carl, and he walked over to her. "I think I know what the problem is, Carl." She leaned over and whispered in his ear.

Carl stared at her. "You’re kidding, right?"

She shook her head. "I really think that’s it, Carl. Did no one ever ask?"

Carl stammered. "Uh...who would have...I mean...who thought it made a difference? I never-"

Karin sighed in disgust. "Men!" She crossed over to where Jhandi stood, arms wrapped tightly around Morthan’s neck, still sobbing wretchedly. She lay a hand on Jhandi’s shoulder, kneeling beside the little Gremlin.

"Jhandi," she began softly.

The Gremlin turned to her, teeth bared in a hiss.

"Jhandi," Karin continued, with a nervous little gulp. "I don’t think you have anything to worry about from me. I’m not going to take Morthan away from you."

Morthan looked over at her with a start. "What the-?"

"Jhandi-do you understand? Morthan...." She looked away, her cheeks reddening. "Morthan isn’t interested in me that way."

"What way?" Morthan asked, his face a picture of confusion. "Karin, about last night-"

Karin slashed a hand at him to be quiet. "Jhandi-do you understand?"

Jhandi clutched Morthan harder, nearly strangling the man..

Morthan pried at the Gremlin’s hold, trying to loosen the arms around his neck. "Hey, little guy...."

Karin patted Jhandi’s back. "That’s the problem, Morthan. Jhandi’s not a guy. Are you, sweetheart?"

Jhandi looked at her, golden eyes widening with a new respect as the green head nodded up and down vigorously. "Jhandi not! Jhandi not!" the Gremlin crowed.

"I still don’t get it," Morthan murmured dazedly.

"Jhandi’s a female," Karin explained, brushing back the tuft of purple on Jhandi’s forehead. "She was jealous. She thought you were about to get involved with me, and she wanted to attract your attention."

Morthan’s mouth dropped open, and he stared at the Gremlin, who gazed back at him with adoration. "But-but...Karin-"

"I don’t think this is the time to discuss this, Morthan," Karin replied tightly, eyeing the one-inch claws on Jhandi’s hands with trepidation as they tightened against Morthan’s flesh.

Morthan gulped. "Jhandi," he began, "I don’t know what to say...."

Karin leaned over to whisper, "Say something encouraging, or she may tear your throat out."

Carl could see Morthan’s Adam’s apple bobbing between Jhandi’s encircling claws. He wouldn’t want to be in Morthan’s shoes right now. What a mess! Carl studied the Gremlin critically. What an ugly little creature. No wonder nobody had ever stopped to consider this possibility-who could tell by looking that the little monster was female?

Hell, Carl remembered wistfully, his door used to read "Human Relations Director." Now it said "Director of Employee Relations," and a third of his workers were the diminutive Gremlins.

"Um...Jhandi...I hate to say this-" Morthan’s voice broke off with a squeak as tiny beads of blood bloomed on his throat beneath Jhandi’s claws.

"Humor her, Morthan," Karin ordered tersely.

"But Karin-"

"Please, Morthan," the girl begged, her eyes eloquent. "I don’t want to see you hurt."

"I think we’re all just a tad overwrought here," interjected Carl, in his best mediatory tone.

Karin stalked to Carl and grabbed his arm, pulling him away from the crowd around the machine. "Have you ever seen what the claws on a fully-grown Gremlin can do to human flesh? Jhandi could rip out Morthan’s throat in a heartbeat! I-I couldn’t stand...." She broke off with a strangled sob. "I’m sorry, I can’t. I just can’t." Shaking her head wildly, Karin ran from the room in tears.

Carl stared after her. What the hell was going on around here? The whole floor was in a shambles, and no one was acting themselves today. Morthan was showing surprising depths of compassion for the little Gremlin for one so shallow. Karin was usually a consummate professional, but now she was behaving like a schoolgirl. And Jhandi-what the hell was he going to do about Jhandi?

"Carl-"

He turned back to the crowd around the workstation at the sound of Morthan’s rather strangled call. It was rather disconcerting to see that there were tiny rivulets of blood trickling down Morthan’s throat. The golden lights in Jhandi’s eyes were whirling like spinning suns, and there was a rather dangerous cast to the number of teeth bared in her grin.

"Now, now, Jhandi. You must let go of Morthan now. I don’t care if he is your partner, you don’t own him. You mustn’t treat him like a possession."

Jhandi hissed at him.

"All right, young lady," Carl admonished the Gremlin sternly, "that is enough! If you do not let go of him at once, you are fired."

Jhandi stepped away from Morthan with a growl of protest, folding her arms angrily as she glowered up at Carl.

Carl leaned over the little creature and shook his finger in front of her as if she were a wayward child. "Now, you look here. There is no room for this sort of nonsense in the workplace. If you can’t treat Morthan like just another worker and tend to your duties in a professional manner, then we will find you another partner. I am very disappointed in you."

The tears began to well up behind Jhandi’s spinning eyes again. "No Mordan?" she asked in a tremulous squeak.

"That is entirely up to you -" Carl began.

"Uh...Carl...." Morthan interrupted with a nervous little cough.

"What?" Carl turned to find Morthan dabbing at his neck with a blood-spotted handkerchief. His other arm was firmly encircling the shoulders of a tearfully radiant Karin.

"I quit."

"What?" Carl stared at Morthan incredulously.

"Well, you’re right. There is no place for romantic entanglements in the workplace...so either I quit, or Karin does. We’re getting-"

"Don’t say it!" warned Carl, with an uneasy glance at Jhandi.

"Oh, I don’t think you’ll have to worry about Jhandi," replied Morthan with a chuckle.

"What do you mean...oh, Lord." Carl gazed mournfully at the little Gremlin who had attached herself to his leg, looking up at him with adoration. This just proved what he’d said all along...there was no room for Gremlins in the workplace.